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I'd like to make footprints in the sands of time before I check out, but you can't make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt... unless your intent is to make buttprints in the sands of time.
 - Bob Moawad |
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Two men met on the beach. "Good evening, friend. What are you doing?"
"I'm throwing these starfish back in the ocean. If I don't, they'll die up here."
"There must be thousands of starfish on this beach. You can't possibly get to them all. You can't possibly make a difference."
He smiled, picked up yet another starfish and threw it into the sea. "Made a difference to that one!"
- Jack Canfield & Mark V. Hansen (adapted) |
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Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
- Mae West (1892-1980) |
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When proven to be ineffective against chronic cases of insomnia, the Sandman is replaced by Boulder Guy.
- Author Unknown |
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What's the difference between a man... and a catfish? One's a bottom-feeding scum sucker, and the other's a fish.
- Author Unknown |
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Women are like guitars... they both come with strings attached.
- Author Unknown |
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I'm not crazy, I'm just intellectually independent.
- Author Unknown |
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A day is lost if one has not laughed.
- Author Unknown |
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When you advertise fire extinguishers, open with the fire.
- David Ogive |
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Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun. (from book, 'Life in Hell')
- Matt Groening |
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